Take it Like a Man; or Woman

“Cool”, “Dank”, “That is boss”, “You got murked.” Sound familiar? These are just a few of the “hip” phrases that are common jargon for the current generation of high school students. However, after this past weekend, some of them have developed a more robust vocabulary.

For 3 days nearly 100 high school students from Grace Pelham and Powdersville dialogued, discussed and even debated what it means to be created in the image of God; to be created male and female. Today’s teens just aren’t being asked to “be open” to alternative ideas such as gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender, but additionally are being told that gender is self-defined, that no outside force, culture or deity can determine who you are or who you should be.

So in an attempt to bring clarity and direction in a world of chaos, we spent our weekend studying what it means to live out manhood and womanhood biblically as a high school student. Here are a few of the takeaways:

1 – Gender is a worship issue. Gen 1:26-27 says that “in god’s image we were created male and female.” As Christians, if we are going to adequately reflect the image of God, we must live out our gender the way God intended. As much as singing songs, journaling, reading the Scriptures and living in community, fulfilling our gender as male and female is a way we worship God.

2 – Gender is broken. (Genesis 3) All of creation is affected by sin and the fall of man. Because of this men and women no longer naturally reflect the image of God through their gender.
• Man’s core struggle is passivity which gets played out in areas such as school, friends, family and how we relate to the opposite sex.
• Women’s core gender struggle is independence and it can be evidenced in the lives of high school girls’ interaction with friends, families and relating to the opposite sex.

3- Gender can be redeemed. (Rev. 21:1-5) Due to the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, “all things, (including gender) are being made new.”
• Men are called to pursue, protect and provide.
Pursue = lead, take initiative
Provide = take care of your responsibilities
Protect = defend the weak and needy, hold your peers accountable
• Women are called to affirm, respond and nurture.
Affirm = to come alongside and fill in what is lacking
Respond = to react for the benefit of others
Nurture = to provide life for those around you

4. We are agents of reconciliation. (2 Corinthians 5:18-21). As Christians, we are part of God’s game plan to reconcile the world to Himself. He has given each of us, including teens, a role to play. We believe that one of those roles is to be the men and women that God intended for us to be and to show the world how great our God is.

On the heels of this retreat we are praying that God will give our high school students a vision and a trajectory to go out and lead their peers, families and culture in the area of gender. Realizing that the way they embody masculinity and femininity today, has immediate impact and eternal consequences.

Now that is dank!

For further study in biblical gender for singles and young adults, you may want to read Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart by John Ensor.

Twelve Feet of Black Top

Most mornings as I leave for work, I find myself struggling to get out of my neighborhood. Work and school traffic zooming in both directions, three nearby neighborhoods producing hundreds of morning rush-hour vehicles, and no left turn lane all contribute to a challenging (ok, maybe frustrating is more accurate) jump-start to my suburbia commute.

Recently, I have been noticing the cars that exit the neighborhood directly across the steet from mine. The only thing that separates us is asphalt and a double-yellow line. But as close as our neighborhoods are in proximity, there is a large chasm that is obvious to all who drive by. In the neighborhood across the street, property owners are leaving luxury homes that are worth more than four times the value of ours. The detailed landscaping of their yards makes me wonder if their lawn-care budget exceeds our monthly grocery allowance! And as they sit in line waiting their turn, they do so in high-end detailed SUV's, while the commuters from my subdivision cruise up in their factory-produced, fuel-efficient vehicles.

As different as my life may be from these high-income homeowners across the street, in these moments we are the same. Money, fame, luxury, comfort, and even opportunity can't get you onto Hudson Road any quicker. We are all at the mercy of a break in traffic to allow us access to the hustle and bustle that characterizes our morning commute.

Waiting and watching this process unfold each morning has caused me to reflect on how this is an exercise in the gospel. Working through the book of Colossians with our high school students has given me reason to meditate on the specific implications of the gospel. What I have been reminded of so clearly these past weeks is that the gospel is simplistically profound. Writing to a group of Christians who seem to "get it," Paul spends the majority of his time clarifying for them the importance of the gospel, reminding them that they no longer belong to this world, and that Satan has no control over them. He pleads with them to not be restrained by the cumbersome rules of religion. Over and over again he points to Jesus as the only true distinction that matters. Origin, ethnicity, family heritage, social status, and even religious traditions do nothing to help one enter the kingdom of God.

So as my neighbors and I "patiently" await our turn each morning to exit our neighborhoods, I want to be continually thankful (1 Thess 5:18) that in God's kingdom, nothing I am/do/have really matters. And just maybe I will even become thankful for my "patient" wait which allows me to ponder such things!

So She Says

Ever see the show, Kids Say The Darndest Things? Well if not, you are missing out because the show is hilarious. Scene after scene kids say anything and everything that is on their minds. I can remember watching it during the late 90's thinking..."Do kids really say such things off the top of their heads? Surely some, if not all of this, is scripted." As funny as the TV show was then, I could never have imagined how funny it would be to actually hear my own kids say such things. Our five year old daughter, Harper, happens to be at a stage which has us eagerly anticipating the next comical thing to come out of her mouth. Here are just a few of the most recent:

- "Do I have to spend this quarter daddy? It has the state of Mickasota on it."
- "When I grow up, I want to be a petanarian so I can take care of animals."
- "Lots of boys in Calahan's class have mohog haircuts."
- "I don't need to noose the bathroom."
- "Today at church I learned about Noah and the whale."
- "Miss Sarah, do you have smoke detectors at your house? You have to go outside if they go off."
- "Soccer cleats have sparks on the bottom of them."
- "I learn everything good from Curious George."

So if you need some free entertainment and you can't find any reruns of Kids Say The Darndest Things, feel free to drop by and spend a few minutes in dialogue with Harper. You will be sure to get your fill of laughs, and you may even learn something new, especially if Curious George is on.

A Tough Pill To Swallow

This morning my life changed forever. I took my first statin (cholesterol-lowering drug). At the age of only thirty-four, I consider myself to be healthy and in good shape. I exercise regularly (ok, compulsively!) and I eat a low-fat diet. And it was only two months ago that my doctor told me that I am as healthy as any thirty-something he knows. And so, you can imagine the shock when yesterday, that same doctor told me that I needed to go on cholesterol medication, most likely for the rest of my life. I sat glossy-eyed and tried to focus, thinking to myself, "Are you serious??? How can this be???"

There is a phrase that a golfer often uses when faced with a situation where he has the option to pull off the heroic shot (with high risk and high difficulty) or choose the easier shot (with low risk and low difficulty). Now adrenaline, testosterone, and a competitive nature will entice the golfer to go for the hard shot and make the birdie; but reason, logic, and percentages beg him to compromise with an easier shot for the chance to make a par. Choosing the latter is referred to as "taking your medicine." Although it doesn't feel good, it is almost always the best thing to do. I have used that phrase time and time again for myself and others while on the golf course, while never fully understanding its deeper meaning!

My pride, my stubbornness, and my competitive nature all conspire to convince me that if I just exercise more, cut down on my red meat consumption, and drown myself with grapefruit juice, I can beat my life threatening enemy, cholesterol! But in reality, that just isn't true. So this morning, tomorrow morning, and (hopefully) for thousands more, I will be "taking my medicine" and reminding myself that par is not a bad score.

Starting Fresh!

Routine, Routine, Routine! I need it, want it, and love it. It's surprizing to me that each May I get so excited about school letting out. I love the summer...sunshine, vacation, mission trips, students hanging out at the church, swimming pools, interns, long summer nights, catching up on reading, and of course, mastering my golden tan (as tan as a Scotch-Irish white boy can get). However, as much as I love the flexability that summertime brings, as we move closer to autumn, part of me ends up longing for the structure from which I wanted a break just a few months earlier.

So when August rolled around this year, I think I was as "pumped" about the school year start as my daughter Harper, who was beginning kindergarten. The first day of school was on a Wednesday. So on Tuesday morning, Harper came out of her room dressed in her "first day of school outfit," with her backpack strapped on her shoulders, proclaiming to everyone, "I am ready for school!" Her eagerness and readiness to launch into a world that will become her norm well into adulthood caused my wife and I to laugh, as we thought cynically to ourselves, "If only she knew...." But part of my thinking is right there with my daughter. I, too, am ready for schedules, routines, planning, discipline, expectations, and yes, even deadlines! I find that I am at my best in those moments. So here we go!! But check back in late April, because I am sure I will once again be begging for some summertime relief.... but this time I may have a six year old little girl pleading just as hard!

American Tradition

On our way to the beach this past week, we happened to "stumble" into a very cool experience. Rapidly approaching our destination (ahead of schedule as you would expect with two goal-oriented people), Kelly and I realized that it was dinner time. Our normal approach would be to grab whatever was most efficient (quick, cheap, and on the same side of the road). However, just as we began to discuss our options, we passed a sign for Waffle House. Knowing that our kids had yet to experience this American tradition, we sacrificed our "Nascar-like" time for some entertaining eats.

As you can imagine, the "scenery" was just as enjoyable as the food. We sat at the bar, described the menu to the kids, and chatted with our Italian waitress (ok, I guess this should be considered an International Tradition). We ordered two All-Star specials, explaining to our kids that you are what you eat. They didn't get it! Our cook appeared from a side booth where she had been hanging with some of the locals. As she prepared our food, our kids watched in awe and asked questions about everything being cooked, and I realized that simple things can still fascinate and satisfy.

As our food arrived it became clear to me that there will need to be some adjustments the next time we visit. Both of our kids went straight for my favorite, the chocolate chip waffle. Ugh....parenting always shows you how selfish you are.....As we left the restaurant, well off schedule, Kelly and I acknowledged that the journey really can be just as enjoyable as the destination! And sometimes we just need a greasy spoon to remind us!

Strong

Recently I participated in my friend Joseph's wedding. Throughout the weekend, I was reminded that Joseph and his friends are at a different life stage. Countless hours of basketball, wiffle ball, and college-like goofing around, although fun, wore me out! You see, Joseph is just a "few" years younger than me. However, what stood out most to me that weekend was the relationships between Joseph and his good friends. Guys from his childhood and college buddies shared stories and memories of lasting impact. As they interacted, the strong bonds that exist between them was evident. They truly love each other and desire to see one another grow as godly men.

Observing those interactions reminded me of the strong friendships that I have. As the years pass by, it becomes easier and easier to get wrapped up in the "here and now" and forget about relationships which were once much more prominent. And although the majority of my time and energy is now spent with my wife, kids, students, and people in my local community, I know that the person I am today has been greatly shaped by some of these life-long friends:

- Brad is the brother I never had. Since the age of 5 we competed, laughed and lived together.
- Reggie is the older brother that I always knew would protect me and keep me out of trouble.
- Goldy has shown me the virtue of loyalty.
- Busick has taught me how to encourage others through word and deed.
- BW has always been there to hold me in check and ask about my life.
- Rowland has taught me how to make everyone feel included.
- C-Scott has modeled selflessness and sacrifice.
- D-Rowe has taught me the fine art of listening (I need more of this).

These men are forever a part of my life, and I am truly grateful. Regardless of the amount of time that we now spend together, I know that I have friends for life, and the man I am now has been shaped by who they are. I just hope that it doesn't take another weekend of exhaustion to help me remember this!